The Disappointing, Shrinking Cervix

The cervix is no longer "nice and long". I don't really even want to call it "my cervix" since clearly it is not doing what I want it to do. I need it to hang on for another 9 weeks and then I might disown it.

Last week's measurement: 4.0 cm.
This week's measurement: 2.7 cm.

NOT GOOD.

While this is not an alarmingly short measurement, the change is what is cause for concern. I was extremely upset by this, of course, and Dr. K (who I completely misjudged) hugged me for a good few minutes while I sobbed into her shoulder. I am still pretty upset and terrified, so a bullet list it will be.

- We discussed a cerclage (okay, I begged for one). At this point, the risk of rupturing A/B's sac is greater than my risk of delivering too soon. If it shortens again, we will do a cerclage (probably this or next week) but if it hangs in at 2.7, we will not do one. You pretty much cannot do one after 24 weeks, so the sooner we do it if we have to, the better. I will be measured again on Friday.

- I am now on Ibuprofen until I deliver. Every 6 hours, I take 600mg. This drug is extremely efficient and relaxing the uterus, which should cause less contractions which change the cervix.

- She did a pelvic and said it "feels better than it looks" and was hard, although shorter.

- I told her that I am a worrier, and am terrified. She said, "I am too! I think we'll see you twice a week. Would that make you feel better?" Would it ever!

- Modified bed rest it is. I am restricted from much activity at all. She told me to get more childcare NOW so my amazing mom and mother-in-law as well as a great nanny are all coming to help. I should not be lifting my daughter, chasing her around, carrying her up and down the stairs which I usually do. Dr. K told me the calmer the body is, the calmer the uterus is, and that is why bed rest helps with any kind of preterm contractions.

- Although it can stay this way for the rest of the pregnancy (and we HOPE it does!) the next steps would be cerclage, other drugs like Terbutaline, more strict bed rest or hospitalization.

- I asked her if she thinks we can get these babies to 28 weeks, and she said, "Absolutely!" which did so much to make me feel more calm. I hope and pray she is right. I want my boys to stay in as long as they can, where it is safe for them.

I am pretty much drained, and oh so frightened. Every twinge is making me think I just lost more length on the cervix... I am trying to find solace in the fact that I do have excellent care and they know what they are doing.

The beautiful boys, however, look perfect. No signs of TTTS, great heart beats and very active. I am so happy they are healthy, now my body has to do its job, and keep them inside for a long time. Next Tuesday I have a full growth ultrasound, so we will get weight estimates and more detailed anatomy on each of my sweet hearts.

When I came home, I was talking to my mom, crying, and my daughter touched my tears and said, "Why are you crying?". I told her that Mommy would have to rest all the time to help the boys grow big and strong and I was a little sad about it. She snuggled me and said, "Honey! It is going to be okay. You don't have to cry." My little angel, I hope she can understand when I cannot take her outside to play or tuck her into bed at night for a while.

Please, faithful readers, feel free to try to talk to the cervix. It is not listening to me.