The Uncomfortable Place

Apologies for my brief absence. I am still pregnant with three busy boys, and have reached the Uncomfortable Place. My back, hips, legs are truly feeling the effects of the extra weight and the curvature of my spine while this body tries to support 11-ish pounds of baby. I am extremely grateful to be carrying these boys around, so I will gladly reside in the Uncomfortable Place for another 15 days. That is right, just 15 days (unless the boys conspire to exit the cozy womb earlier)!

I was fairly convinced that Dr. P would be admitting me to the hospital for the duration on Thursday, after Monday showed a shorter cervix and positive fFN. That cervix never fails to astound me. It grew again. Just a touch, but there is no further shortening or funneling. The babies did amazingly well on an NST (my first one ever) and had appropriate accelerations and no decelerations (in their heart rates) which is a good indicator of placental function and their handling of stress. They also rocked their BPP's! Baby B was sleeping and did not want to show off his breathing during the scan so I had to roll onto my right side to smoosh him to wake him up. After that he was annoyed enough to start breathing for us.

Dr. P said she thinks maybe the positive fFN was a result of my increased activity, and does not think I will go into labor until my C-section on the 26th of October! Which I would like to point out again is a mere 15 days or just less than 400 hours away. She said to stop worrying about being admitted: if I was in unstoppable labor now, she thinks our babies would still be quite healthy!

On Monday I will have another NST and a quick ultrasound, followed by a full-growth on Thursday to see how big our boys have grown. Then the following week, I have another NST on Monday and Dopplers on Friday. Then it is just the weekend, and the boys' birthday! Again, if they change their mind and want to come earlier, being past 32 weeks (which I am tomorrow) is a good place for triplets to be. I had a repeat dose of steroids for their lungs, one administered by my mom. Add another talent to Grammma's list of gifts: excellent intramuscular injection giver! I am not as worried as I once was about complications related to prematurity after seeing how well 32+ weekers usually do, so if they come sooner, it won't be as scary as it would've been a couple weeks ago.

I would, however, love to be sedated or heavily drugged until their arrival date. The worry I feel is also part of the Uncomfortable Place. Wemberly has been working overtime about all the "what if's" that could happen in the next 15 days. What if I make it this far with healthy boys and still, I do not get to keep them? What if I have to go through fertility treatments and a scary pregnancy again? I know this seems irrational to most of you, but after wanting something SO much for SO long, the end is quite terrifying.

I am already a parent and know I will continue to worry once they are born, but this is a different feeling entirely. I need to know they are here, they are alive and healthy before I can truly relax. I love to feel their movements and kicks and hiccups for now, but holding them, studying their noses and staring into their eyes is what we've been waiting for. To this Infertile, seeing is truly believing.