I am almost 10 weeks (9w5d) and am starting to get scared again. Yes, I see the same pattern: after 5-7 days have passed since my last ultrasound, I start to freak.out. The nausea has improved a bit, which scares me. I really like having lots of miserable symptoms to tell me my hormones continue to rage on in support of the pregnancy. I am still tired and headachy, but less pukey.
It is another 2 WEEKS from today until my NT scan at the MFM clinic when I will get to see our (hopefully) growing babies. I can't make it. I am like a junkie who cannot make it until the next fix, in this case, seeing that my babies are okay. I have been fooled by asymptomatic miscarriages before, so this time is particularly terrifying for me.
Ways in which I am behaving like a junkie:
1. I have Googled "risk of miscarriage after 9 weeks" more times than I care to admit. The results are all over the place, and with heartbeats seen, it is different. Don't waste your time there.
2. I have ordered a fetal heart doppler from Babybeat. All of my friends have said it helped them feel better. I know it might freak me out even more, but I am a glutton for punishment. Also My Friend over here got one and heard her baby's heartbeat. :)
3. I scheduled an ultrasound for Monday at 9:15 am with my RE. I tried to scam them into seeing me on the weekend, but she said, "No OB on the weekend unless it is urgent." Can't she see I am a basket case and it is urgent? No dice, Monday it is.
4. Pushing on my sore boobs to make sure they are still, in fact, sore. They are.
I think that most of the fear is irrational. I know that they told us it was less than a 5% chance that we'd lose them to early miscarriage now. I know that the chances of all of them having something chromosomally wrong is slim, also. It is knowing the unbearable pain of losing a baby, of starting over again and again, and getting through early pregnancy that scares me. I know I could if I had to, but I do not want to do it again. I want these three babies to be born into our family, and grow up healthy with their sister. I don't want their existences to end on ultrasound for us.
Please grow, babies. If you want to make me realllllly sick, that is okay too.