Reckless tag-pulling-off

29 weeks and 5 days today. Only 30 days until our C-section unless things change dramatically and then it could be even sooner!

Something big is happening in my house today. Tags are being ripped off of clothing, baby blankets are being washed, diapers put away. I am getting ready for our boys, our sweet boys to come home. Until now, the fear of loss has been too strong. The memory of our miscarriages, of the promise of life and babies taken away has stolen from us the excitement and joy that comes with most pregnancies. I was terrified to purchase anything baby related this pregnancy until 28 weeks, with a few exceptions. I imagined the pain of putting something into a box and hiding it in the garage should the worst happen, and our boys don't survive. Hope seems to be popping up around here, as we near the big milestone of 30 weeks. The fear seems to be getting pushed over a little bit.

Today I had a great appointment. I half expected her to say, "Just kidding! Into the hospital with you!" but remarkably, Dr. P is thrilled with me and our trio. My cervix is the same. THE SAME! It has not changed since 24 weeks, which is remarkable. After the ultrasound, she remarked, "Your cervical length is actually normal now. It was not normal at 24 weeks, but it has not changed at all, and anyone carrying triplets at nearly 30 weeks should have a cervix like yours." If my husband was not there to witness, I might think I hallucinated the whole thing.

The boys are looking busy and active, all getting 8 out of 8 points on their Biophyscial Profiles. This means basically, that they are practicing breathing, showing movement and muscle tone, and have normal fluid levels. Our guys are only eligible for 8 instead of 10 because I do not have to have an NST to go with it, thank goodness. Still no signs of TTTS.

My husband, sweetie that he is, asked Dr. P if I would be allowed out to dinner for our four year anniversary this weekend. She said yes, and we discussed our favorite local restaurants. We talked about where would be a good place for me to be dropped off and picked up, but then she said, "You can increase your activity a little bit, to your comfort level and assuming your contractions don't pick up. Still rest most of the time, but you can get up a little more now." I told her that I didn't want to do much, since I contract a lot when I am up, and get tired easily, but her giving me a bit of freedom was AWESOME! I think it will make all the difference in my sanity and hopefully will make no difference in my cervix.

Don't worry, Readers: I am always very good and lay down most of the day, more so if contractions pick up. I am not heading out to run a marathon (or even walk to the mailbox) but I have been cleared for Target Scooter Rides. I have not been in any store in about 8 weeks, and this is exciting! I have not been able to peruse baby clothes or gear unless online (thank goodness for the Internet) so this tiny bit of freedom is thrilling. I am so thankful to still be pregnant, a fact I never take for granted. This just feels like a bonus.

Something about being almost 30 weeks (Oh, and did I mention the negative fFN today?) and likely getting to 32 or beyond makes me feel a bit reckless. Watch out for bouncy seat assembly and major laundering of clothing at our house. All the while, I hope that I will bring three boys home later this fall, that we will be some of the lucky ones. Fear is still so present in most of my actions and my thoughts about the boys, but slowly, excitement is creeping in. Excitement and hope.

(I did not just jinx myself, right?)