Friday, February 27, 2009
Infertility makes me crazy
Seriously nutty. This week has been really hard- waiting to find out if I can start next week, if the cyst has shrunk, how my E2 is. I feel like we've been waiting for something for the last 18 months. For my period to start, for me to ovulate, for the IUI's to work, for my surgery and finally to start IVF.
I am aware it is strange to WANT to inject myself, have more wild hormone adventures and shell out many thousand dollars for something with no guarantees, but here is the thing: it is our only hope.
Recent crazy behaviors*
1. Glaring at pregnant women, especially if they have three kids in tow.
2. Wanting to throw up in my mouth at the mention of Octo-mom.
3. Crying over pictures of my daughter as an infant.
4. Major eye rolling at the complaints of pregnant women who wanted a different gender.
5. Pretending for a second that my bloated birth control belly could be a bump.
6. Sneaking looks at maternity clothes, late at night, while eating M & M's.
7. Examining anyone with a child over one for a tell-tale baby bump.
8. Wanting to burst into tears when someone asks when we will "give" A a sibling.
9. Fist-shaking at celebrities like Nicole Ritche who seem thin AND extra-fertile.
10. Having the sneaking suspicion that I will be voted off the island for being unable to conceive on my own, Survivor style.
*I know that these behaviors are not always justified.
I am thinking that Crazy Infertile Behavior needs a home in the DSM-IV of psychology. Really, we should be diagnosable and easily identified. Maybe I should wear some kind of badge: "Lock up your chocolate, hide your bellies, here comes Crazy Infertile!"