7w4d

I am hesitant to put this up on the side of my page yet... too scary. But I love looking at it and watching them float around in their virtual womb. I know it will change every day, and right now it says "32 Weeks, 3 Days Remaining"! I am so happy to be almost to the nine week mark. Most people get excited at 10 weeks, or when the first trimester is over, but our losses were always before 9 weeks and I think I will feel a small bit of security when we make it past there. (Well, we found out about one at 10, but baby had stopped growing weeks before).

I woke up today anxious, and told my husband I didn't feel very pregnant. Then I took a shower and could not see my feet for the GIANT boobs, and felt a little better. Then I spent the rest of the day feeling hungry and then super nauseated, sure I was going to throw up at the grocery store when I walked by the soups in the deli and the cleaning supply aisle. Then I slept for 2 hours this afternoon, woke up and made popcorn which smells awful and now am nauseous again; all the windows are open, trying to get the smell out. So I guess I do feel pregnant after all, and it is so very comforting. Both of my later miscarriages were "missed miscarriages" which means that no real bleeding or cramping started on it's own, and we found out on ultrasound, shocked. When I do "feel" more pregnant, with more symptoms, I am extremely grateful because I did notice a decrease or lack of symptoms with the losses.

We have another week until our ultrasound, and I am cautiously hopeful and yet so scared. This will be when we found out our daughter's heart had stopped, so it will be a big milestone to pass hopefully.

My new favorite thing: maternity belly bands! I am wearing mine daily now, and I know I am not even eight weeks yet, but SERIOUS belly. I cannot zip the jeans, and this little band of elastic is my new best friend. All my friends are saying that I won't be able to hide it much longer- and honestly, they are just being kind. It is obvious now, and I know people know, I just can't bear to tell a lot of people (besides the world wide webs). I think I will feel more ready to share (since my abs are not holding the uterus in) after we see them, hopefully all healthy and growing next week.