Sunday, April 12, 2009

Come Monday

Jimmy Buffet has fueled many a margarita-fueled beach party, and while I love the carefree "summery" feeling to his music, I have a deeper connection with his music (you can stop laughing now). A very important person in my family's life, A, another father figure of mine who passed away too soon at 49 introduced me to his music when I was about ten. A also had the calm and laid back attitude that Jimmy adopts in much of his music. I remember him saying to me, a frequent Wemberly not to worry because "worry is like interest paid on a debt that never comes due." He was right. Absolutely right, and I wish I could be that relaxed about what the future holds, but as you know, that is not my strong suit.

Even while A fought aggressive cancer, while going through awful chemo, and finally, passing away at home with his many who loved him sitting on his bed, I never saw him wallow or say, "why me?". It was not in his nature, and I aspire to be like him. I was always afraid that I would remember vividly how he looked and felt at the end of his life, wasted away and in excruciating pain, but I do not think of that very often. When I think of him, I think of his laugh, his love of food, dogs and the Beach Boys and Jimmy Buffet. He will always be grilling steaks with the sun on his face and his laugh will always echo in my mind. It was an amazing laugh, deep and honest.

I picture what he would say to me at hard or worrisome times in my life and I think if I talked to him tonight, and told him I was anxious about my ultrasound, he'd remind me that worrying doesn't make anything better, and he might sing some of "Don't Worry Baby" over the phone. Then he would make me laugh.

When thinking of the big scan tomorrow, and sitting alone in my kitchen, I turned on Jimmy Buffet's "Come Monday" and cried. I cried from worry, from missing A, and wishing he was here to tell me it would be all right. So I let Jimmy do it instead.

"Come Monday, it'll be all right. Come Monday, I'll be holding you tight..."

6 comments:

  1. Oh honey...it WILL be alright!! I'm praying for you:) ((HUGS))

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  2. Thinking of you today and hoping for great news. :)

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  3. Also thinking of you! Hang in there!

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  4. I found your blog from Just Another Infertility blog. I just wanted to wish you the BEST of look for today's ultrasound. :-D
    www.iwannabeamommy.wordpress.com

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  5. I have been checking your blog about 15 times a day for updates. :) Come Monday (mind you, I am 9 hours ahead of you) I will refreshing this site every 10 mins of morre from the moment your day is about to start. Will someone add a post to let us know everyone, names, lenghts, weights etc?? thinking of you, hugs from us.

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