Whine, whine, whine

Yesterday was not a good day. Nothing catastrophic happened, the babies are all fine in there, but their mommy is getting a bit worn out. From about 6 am yesterday until I went to bed at 10 pm last night, I was in pain. I am not talking about screaming and unbearable pain, bur a constant aching and tightness in the pelvis and back. This is the same feeling I had about 10 days ago that sent me freaking out to my MFM to have my cervix measured (which was a nice long 4 cm). At that time she reminded me that this pregnancy would hurt more, and to try to remember how much further my uterus is than in a singleton pregnancy. So I knew that nothing terrible was happening, most likely, and that I had to deal with it.

*Insert whining and self-pity*

It is really hard to be an energetic food-fixing, park-going, nap-giving mommy to an almost three year old with this level of energy. Quite emotionally difficult is it to have to change your parenting, tell your daughter you are too tired to do something or feel less than patient. I was so worried all day, even thought I know things were fine on Monday, that I was nervous every time I carried our little girl up and down the stairs in our three-story home. As soon as she napped, I did too for 2 1/2 hours! I called my husband and he came home earlier at five to help, but the day was exhausting. I laid on the couch or in the bath for the rest of the evening, feeling sorry for myself.

This triplet- growing business is serious stuff, ladies and gentlemen. I know, I know. We chose to transfer TWO EMBRYOS. Yes, that is right, TWO! We were hoping for a healthy singleton or fraternal twins, but instead, we ended up with identical twins and their fraternal triplet. Do not get me wrong, I am so in love with them, all three of them, and cannot wait to meet them. I don't think I truly understood "hard pregnancy" until I lived it. And this is only the beginning. I think the hardest is the worry. Will I go into labor at 20 weeks or 35? Will my cervix continue to hold up? What if something else goes wrong? Will the twins get TTTS? Parenthood and pregnancy are both fraught with worry, and honestly, I do think I am three times as worried as I was with our daughter. I laid on our bed last night, crying, wishing I knew the babies will be healthy, that they will live.

*End of wallowing*

I called my MFM this morning to make an appointment for next week. At this point, she usually sees people every other week, but at my last visit she said she was happy to see me each week if it was more reassuring. I was trying to be tough, and said I was fine with every other week. I WAS LYING. I spoke with L, an amazing nurse who said a few things:

1. I should cut my activity down. Have a nanny or family member come so I can lay down more often.

2. She is switching me to weekly visits so that we can monitor the rapid growth and ensure my cervix is holding strong.

3. Most of the triplet mommies they see, she said, they see every week, so I should do that too. It made me feel better to know that I am not the only one! :)

I am going on Monday afternoon and arranged for an extra morning a week of help (right now I have an awesome nanny 4 hours/week) so that I can rest enough. I never imagined at almost 15 weeks, I'd be slowed down this much. I am naturally energetic, on-the-go, and like to have a hundred things going. It looks like those days are coming to a screeching halt, and it is going to be a long summer of me, my laptop and some good books. Of course, I will do anything to have three healthy babies in the fall, and am a good patient, I just wanted to still be the same Mommy I have always been to my daughter.