I am a sentimental person who tears up at greeting cards and commercials, occasionally. Throughout the battle with infertility and miscarriage, I have sought to find a "mantra" or affirmation that would guide me through. Some words I may repeat to myself as we waited on each test, dealt with unimaginable news or tried again. I had a wonderful CD of affirmations as I went through my IVF cycle. It relaxed me and reminded me that no amount of stress will actually impregnate me. I listened to it at acupuncture and after giving myself injections.
Now, I am a lucky person whose cycle was successful. VERY successful. After transferring two lovely embryos, we find ourselves 16 weeks pregnant with TRIPLETS. Yep, one split. This pregnancy has truly been fraught with wonder, excitement, terror and worry, all wrapped into one hormonal ball of emotion, and again, I find myself in need of an affirmation, some words to soothe my heart.
I purchased these stones when I was on Clomid, after two miscarriages, and held them in my hand frequently. I especially stared at the stone reading "Hope". Such a simple word, with so many emotions tied to it. Hope became my mantra, and my three- year- old even carries her own hope stone in her pocket sometimes. We talk about what hope is, how it is the thing that keeps you going, helps you keep trying to get something you need or want. I haven't looked at it lately, and recently I glanced over at the dish in my kitchen where my stones are, and found immediately what my mantra is: Hope. Courage. Always.
As the pregnancy progresses, I am finding that the worrying and risk of a triplet pregnancy are wearing on me, but I never stop hoping. So far, everything is going extremely well, and the baby boys are looking perfect. Still, I worry about babies born too soon, pre-term labor, twin to twin transfusion. I think what I am looking for right now is the courage. I need the courage to be brave, to smile and be happy in my pregnancy despite the risks and unknowns. My daughter needs a courageous mommy, and so do my boys. I need to be quietly courageous, and face whatever comes to us. The "Always" stone reminds me that these are things I will never give up on. I will Always have Hope and Courage, for myself and for my family, present and future.
Go see what the other courageous women are showing at the Stirrup Queen's Show and Tell. :)