I am a sentimental person who tears up at greeting cards and commercials, occasionally. Throughout the battle with infertility and miscarriage, I have sought to find a "mantra" or affirmation that would guide me through. Some words I may repeat to myself as we waited on each test, dealt with unimaginable news or tried again. I had a wonderful CD of affirmations as I went through my IVF cycle. It relaxed me and reminded me that no amount of stress will actually impregnate me. I listened to it at acupuncture and after giving myself injections.
Now, I am a lucky person whose cycle was successful. VERY successful. After transferring two lovely embryos, we find ourselves 16 weeks pregnant with TRIPLETS. Yep, one split. This pregnancy has truly been fraught with wonder, excitement, terror and worry, all wrapped into one hormonal ball of emotion, and again, I find myself in need of an affirmation, some words to soothe my heart.
I purchased these stones when I was on Clomid, after two miscarriages, and held them in my hand frequently. I especially stared at the stone reading "Hope". Such a simple word, with so many emotions tied to it. Hope became my mantra, and my three- year- old even carries her own hope stone in her pocket sometimes. We talk about what hope is, how it is the thing that keeps you going, helps you keep trying to get something you need or want. I haven't looked at it lately, and recently I glanced over at the dish in my kitchen where my stones are, and found immediately what my mantra is: Hope. Courage. Always.
As the pregnancy progresses, I am finding that the worrying and risk of a triplet pregnancy are wearing on me, but I never stop hoping. So far, everything is going extremely well, and the baby boys are looking perfect. Still, I worry about babies born too soon, pre-term labor, twin to twin transfusion. I think what I am looking for right now is the courage. I need the courage to be brave, to smile and be happy in my pregnancy despite the risks and unknowns. My daughter needs a courageous mommy, and so do my boys. I need to be quietly courageous, and face whatever comes to us. The "Always" stone reminds me that these are things I will never give up on. I will Always have Hope and Courage, for myself and for my family, present and future.
Go see what the other courageous women are showing at the Stirrup Queen's Show and Tell. :)
Wow! Triplets. It must be nerve wracking but it seems like you have a good way of coping with your anxiety.
ReplyDeleteThat was such a nice post. I especially like how hope and courage go together. It takes courage to be hopeful and you've got that. I'm glad your last appt went well. And 16 weeks pregnant? That's great!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your pregnancy!!! That's wonderful news. I wish you much courage and hope and luck. . .always.
ReplyDeleteYour post was so timely for me, because I've been thinking that I need a mantra to get me through my own anxious recent times. I love the simplicity of yours.
Huge congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you lots of luck for the time you have left. A beautiful post and a beautiful mantra.
ReplyDeleteI love that there are three stones--the greater meaning of those stones too. It's a beautiful mantra.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post.
ReplyDeleteAnd I might need to borrow your mantra ;)
((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteWhat a great mantra! Congratulations on the pregnancy and your triplets :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I think hope and courage are wonderful and so important throughout life. It's sometimes hard to grasp, but when you do, you should never let it go. I'm proud of you - you're such a great mom and you'll be a fantastic mom to these three amazing little miracles!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post! It is beautfully written. We just found out this week that we are expecting twins and it is so exciting; after 6 years of infertility and miscarriage. I know the hope that you talk about so well. It's what gets me through life; knowing that there is someone that knows my plan better than I do.
ReplyDeleteCarry on with that hope and courage--we can only control what we can control throughout this process, and managing your own thoughts and emotions and trying your best to stay positive and strong will go a long way, mamma! Thinking of you~
ReplyDeleteGreat Post!
ReplyDeleteI love the meaning you have with these stones, and that there are 3.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was desperately seeking spawn, my sister (and intuitive), had me draw a small card to carry around. It said "Birth."
Little did I know I wouldn't be the one giving it.
But it DID work.
Great mantra-- three words, three stones, three babies on the way! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteOh my word! I'm tearing up thinking about your mantra! It's perfect! Hope is fairly easy to have, courage is a bit more difficult. That's what I've experienced, anyway. I can have as much hope as I want/need, but courage, that's what scares me!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling well and those boys are in for the long haul.
*HUGS*
I love your mantra. I actually have a similar stone that says 'imagine'... I've always clung to it as my touchstone for my creative endeavours. You've gotten me thinking about what it would mean to apply that word, that cornerstone of who I am, to my battles with infertility. Hmmmm....
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thought-provoking words!
What a lovely post. I only have one in there but find myself looking for both hope and courage throughout this long journey. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteKind of crazy how you had those three stones before you were pregnant and now youre expecting three babies... wow!
ReplyDeleteI love those stones. What a great way to bring you back down to reality when you are starting to freak or get lost in all of the madness infertility brings. And now with your pregnancy, all the emotions that you are dealing with... Very cool!
Congrats on the news about triplets! It's going to be great!
Love this post. Feeling sentimental and emotional myself these days! Thanks for sharing this. xoxo
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