100th post: Good News and Bad News

23 weeks and 1 day... 6 days until viability! Good news and bad news today. How about good news first?

Good news:

- This is my 100th post! I cannot believe how quickly it came! :)

- After an extra visit to the MFM last week due to intense contractions, my meds were changed to a different form of Nifedipine and we added Terbutaline as needed. The Terb has (as I was told) some very icky side effects: shaking hands and a jittery feeling but nothing too terrible. Until today, the contractions seem to be less. This afternoon I have had more and had to take extra meds.

- The fluid levels on the babies have normalized! No signs of TTTS whatsoever. The twins had very good Dopplers today as well as more even levels of fluid. YAY!

- Drum roll please... I had a negative fFN on Thursday! WOOT WOOT! That means I have less than 1% chance of going into serious labor in the next two weeks (that gets me to 24w4d). We will repeat it again on Monday, but big sigh of relief for now.

- Their movements are so strong! I love to feel little feet kicking and rolling around- I can even see little feet sometimes. The boys are getting so big and strong, and remind me of how much I love them already.

Bad news:

- Today my cervix was shorter again. On Monday of last week it was over 3.1, Thursday was more like 2.9 - 3.1 and today was about 2.6 - 2.8. I could tell as soon as the scan was on the screen that it was shorter and immediately felt disappointed. I was so sure the meds were working that I did not expect it to have shortened at all.

- Dr. P came in and her first words were, "You are going to get yourself admitted here soon!" I had a feeling it was coming after seeing the scan, but she confirmed it. She said her best estimate is that I will be in the hospital on bed rest in the next two weeks, or as soon as my cervix shortens further or I get a positive fFn (hopefully not for a long time).

- These could be my last days or weeks at home. I am going to have a cervical measurement on Friday and she told me she may admit me then. If admitted, they would start steroids for babies' lungs at 24 weeks and monitor me closely.

- Obviously, increased anxiety (read: uncontrollable terror) at the boys coming WAY too soon. I know it will be after 24 weeks and I hope with all hope it will be after 28. Will my body hang on?

I suppose I should feel lucky that I made it this far without hospitalization, but the thought of being without my daughter's little voice and face each day shred my heart. I know so many of you mommies have to be away from your older kids while on bed rest, and I think it must be the hardest part. I am already frustrated that I can't put her to bed, give her a bath or go for a walk with her; but spending a whole day away from morning until night without seeing her little face, feeling her hands or kissing her forehead seems terribly painful.

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do aside from resting and taking my meds like a good patient. I went over my activity with her and she said it seemed fine, but to try to go up the stairs less. She said it probably won't make that much of a difference, so not to stress out about it too much.

So the best case scenario has changed: now we hope that my cervix stays the same and I get to be home with my family for as long as possible. I want to be here with them so much, but I may not get to be for long. We hope my body holds on past 28 weeks, and the boys grow bigger and stay healthy. This is the most amazing and hardest thing I think I have done yet.

I will post a darling little Baby B's face and profile later as well as the LARGE 23 week belly shot. Thanks for all the support and cheers. I cherish every one of your comments.