After a sleepless night of anticipating my appointment today (and I do have to pee every 45 minutes), I waddled into my MFM's office for a cervical check. Good news: STABLE! It is still holding around 2 cm, and since my contractions are much less, I am allowed to be at home. Dr. P said her threshold for admitting me is higher now since I've been treated with corticosteroids. Hopefully we'll have another negative fFN on Friday and I'll be allowed to be at home for my baby shower.
A note about the baby shower: I am ridiculously excited for it. I have been dreaming of getting to the point that I could have another baby shower for years. I love to host them for friends; love the planning, invitations, cake and favors that come with these wonderful celebrations. Lately I have attended many, often with a little lump in my throat, wondering if I'd ever carry a pregnancy this far. Now we are nearing the safer zone (if their is such a thing) and I get to open gifts from loved ones, each a little window into our babies' futures in our home, in our lives.
I am sort of afraid that it will not happen, that I might deliver the babies before then and they could not survive. For some reason, this seems to be yet another mental milestone for me or perhaps, a mental roadblock. Once the house is full of baby swings and tiny blue clothes, will they really get come into this family safely? Can the celebration make it real?
Many things have happened recently that feel more... permanent. I have not told you this yet, Internet, but amazing mother who we affectionately call "Gramma" has resigned from her job, sold her condo and has moved in with us to help raise the children! When she first offered, I said, "You don't have to do this!" and her response was always, "What could be more satisfying than being with my grandchildren all day?" She is one of the most selfless people I know, and I am eternally, completely grateful.
I did not want her to give notice until 24 weeks, and when it came and she did resign, I was a little alarmed; I was scared that still, the babies could come too soon and she'd no longer have a career. Her last day will be around 27 weeks, and while that seemed relatively safe a while ago, I am surprised at how anxious I still am now, almost to our first goal of 28 weeks. So I am wondering: when will I feel safe?
As we counted the days until 24 weeks, I had planned to order the cribs, stroller and other big items as a celebration when we hit the milestone. I balked. At 25, my husband was encouraging me to get them, knowing I wanted to buy them, but was scared. I had long ago decided on the stroller I wanted, the Triple Decker and while I knew they could take many weeks to ship, I continued to be hesitant to order one. Yesterday, while searching Craig's List, I found one, with the three car seats and bases for about 1/3 of what it would cost new. I could not ignore the great deal, and felt it was somewhat of a good sign that someone who lived 10 miles from us had put theirs up for sale just the day before. My husband and daughter picked it up, and met the family with their darling 15-month-old triplets. My mom also nudged me into ordering the cribs yesterday.
The Triple Decker:
While I admit to be an anxious person (sliiiiight understatement) I am a bit surprised at myself for not feeling more comfortable. My awesome nanny is expecting and I have been handing down my too-small maternity tops to her (read: all of my shirts). I realized today that another batch now stop at my belly button and need to get sent along, but I immediately thought: what if I have to do this again? What if my boys don't survive and I have to do IVF again and go through another pregnancy? I totally see these thoughts are not rooted in reality, but in fear. I know there are no guarantees with any pregnancy, but ours is a high-risk one, and I am used to waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will I ever stop doing that? Once I am holding my boys, God willing, I hope to let out the loudest sigh of relief the world has heard.
The 26 week belly:
Carrie, you're looking great!! Honestly, I don't think you'll ever stop worrying. Soon as they get in your arms you'll do as all mothers do and continue worrying about their development, growth and wellbeing. You're a mom, soon the worrying about pregnancy will end and all the new mommy-hood worries will begin. You'll be fine, hun.
ReplyDeleteBTW, that stroller is CUTE!
Yeah! You are still at home! I am so happy for you and the boys! I bet your DH and A are thrilled, too! Well, I went shopping for your boys today and it made it much more real for me and I just know that one day I get to have a picture of them running (ok, maybe rolling) around in these adorable little sleepers I found! You are doing such a wonderful job and look so lovely, so remember to take a breath and continue to enjoy this amazing pregnancy and all of your accomplished milestones!
ReplyDeleteBig Kisses!
Tosh & Co
P.S. SWEEEET RIDE!!!
ReplyDeleteThe fear will have no choice but to give way to pure joy and soon! The Halloween gear is already out at Target! The babies will be here before little A is dressed up to collect her goodies from neighbors. Hang in there, as the season starts to change you will be nearing the finnish line only to be greeted by three darling boys who want nothing more to snuggle up with you on a chilly fall night.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness, that is a serious stroller. I can just see you pushing it around your neighborhood- everyone in your path stopping to ooh and ahh at the babies.
ReplyDeleteI love that permanent things are happening in your life. LOVE. Do you think Gramma has time in her schedule to come down and help me up here once the Twinkies are born? (Thinking positively here). I mean, you'll have it all under control by March, right? ;)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on yet another milestone and I just know you are going to cruise to 28w and definitely beyond. My guess is 31w6 days. Yep. You heard me. PAST 30 WEEKS!
Baby shower. What!!! Where is my invite. ;) Darn, this means I better get my arse in gear and mail you that "is it ever coming, does it even exist?" package. It is going to be such a letdown now!
Your belly is beyond adorable, but I must say you are skin and bones and it almost looks like one of those fake bellies because it doesn't match the rest of you! Don't think I didn't notice that you still do not have ONE SINGLE STRETCH MARK. What gods have you been praying to and can you send me their number?
Ok, this is a ridonkulously long comment. Sending big hugs!
P.S. That other shoe is not going to drop because I have it here and I shoved it under the bed.
I love the stroller and so glad you got it!!!
ReplyDeleteJust keep that wonderful mental image of holding your 3 boys and A and C sitting by your side...it is going to be here soon (but not too soon!).
Good Gosh Carrie, Ive been checking your blog daily and I was starting to panic! You need to update more than once a week at a time like this. Jeez! Ok, all kidding aside, your doing great! You looks awesome! (How did you keep your butt so small? Mine seems HUGE! Its growing faster than my belly!) Im gonna guess that you will go past 30 weeks too. Your doing great! Keep up with the good updates (and more often please!) :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that things are looking so great! I hope your baby shower is all that you have dreamed of!
ReplyDeleteWow, you look fantastic! And SOOOO close to the safer zone.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is amazing. What a wonderful situation to have her be a live in Grandma!! Hang in there, you are so close to being in the end zone!
You are looking great hon! And no stretch marks... what have you been doing to prevent those?? And you are going to be one in-shape hot Mommy of triplets and A! Yes, I strongly believe that everything is going to go well... you better start buying all the other stuff that you need too! I am so excited for your baby shower... and the Gramma ROCKS... how sweet of her to devote herself to your kiddos!
ReplyDeleteLess than 2 weeks now!! I am with you on the worrying and being afraid to open/order things. I think that everything will be fine though and you'll make it well beyond the safe zone! Do I need to put another Sister Hazel link up on my site?? Seriously though, you are doing great and obviously have great support from your family and friends. Soon we will start being able to daydream more about what it will be like when are babies are safely at home! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad the cervix is holding strong! Hope your appointment Friday goes really well too!
ReplyDelete:-D
Sweets, I completely agree with your words!! Those damn what ifs... But you are doing GREAT!!! Every appt brings better news, both on your cervix and with the boys. Those negative fFNs are giving you the confidence of another day, another week. You are going to soar beyond 28w and that lovely baby shower! You are going to soar beyond 32w! These babies are going to make it here safely and soundly. I just know it. You are doing such a wonderful job and doing all that you can. One step at a time (or rather, for us bedresters, one roll at a time!) and one day at a time. You can do this! You are doing this! And you are doing GREAT!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow exciting! I am so glad you are going to have help. My mom lived with us for about 5 months and I don't know what I would have done without her help. You are doing great and I hope your shower is wonderful!
ReplyDeleteGood news on your appt. I'm glad you are able to rest at home.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve to be excited about your shower. It does make it seem more real to have baby items around you.
I hear you on the whole never feeling safe thing. I always had those milestones in my head too and as each one passed, I'd rejoice for a minute, only to worry about reaching the next one. I'm still wondering when I'll feel "safe."
You and your boys have already come so far! They are growing (as seen in your cute pics!) and are healthy. Take a moment to enjoy.
That stroller is a scary sight - holy moly look at all those car seats! It will be great though...don't let me scare you. And you look great...are you sure there's three in that belly of yours - you were made to carry these babes!
ReplyDeleteI was away for a few days and am so happy to read that you were able to get back home! Yay!
ReplyDeleteThat's incredible about "Gramma" - what a perfect situation!
Great luck with the stroller! And, love the pic! You are looking wonderful :)
(*quietly chanting* 34 weeks! 34 weeks! 34 weeks!)
Finding the Triple Decker used is quite a coup! I haven't seen one Double in the months I've been checking CL, so I'll have to pay full price I suppose.
ReplyDeleteMy cervix says to yours: You've been making me look bad, so I decided to elongate a bit and get them off my case. I hope you're happy.
Looking great honey!! Wimberly may never go away...but those boys are going to MAKE IT!!
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you for being nervous. I am freaking out already, with twins only 7 weeks along. We are mamas, and we know the heartache of infertility and grief! But you have many of us praying for you, and I can't wait to see a picture of your three little men lined up in that stroller.
ReplyDeleteI am going to be emailing you ASAP for all your recommendations!!! I hope your email is on here somewhere, I need to look for it.
You look fantastic -- and I love the stroller. I think it's totally a good sign that you got such a deal.
ReplyDeleteYour mother sounds just wonderful! More continued great news makes the internets happy you know!!
ReplyDeleteYou're doing sooooo well! I doubt you'll ever stop worrying - I think it's part of the job description right now. Things look like they are progressing nicely and I feel strongly that your devine mother will have her hands full of grandchildren for years to come.
ReplyDeleteWill you email me for MFM recommendations??
ReplyDeleteeveysfamily at hotmail dot com
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!!! and Yay for being at home. You are almost to your milestone and I think of you very often.
ReplyDeleteI love the double decker and will probably cry when the day comes that you get to put your precious boys in there!
As a mom, nothing tears at my heart more than fear for my little ones. This time last year I was counting the days, praying to make it to the next milestone. When he was born 2 months early, we were still anxiously hoping that all would be well. He did well in the hospital and came home at just 35 weeks weighing about 5 pounds. The next few months at home, I continued to worry. Will he learn to breastfeed? Will he grow and develop normally? Did his big brothers wash their hands before they touched him? I felt like we were holding our breath for most of a year. When I hold Zephan now, I feel so thankful that he is healthy. Big. Strong. Determined to thrive. But I know that as a mom I'll always worry, knowing better than my children the danger and pain they will face in their lives.
ReplyDeleteYEA for the lovely cervix and sleeping in your own bed and a rocking stroller and 3 cute cribs on the way. I know all about the worrying cause I am the same way. But you have come SO far and wonderful things are happening for you and your family. Those little boys are so comfy they don't want to come out - no worries... you rest, you pray, you think happy thoughts. Like - YOUR MOM IS COMING! THAT is amazing! a wonderful gift. Love your updates!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing so well - keep it going Momma!! Newroad
ReplyDeleteYour belly is so prefect! How precious!
ReplyDeleteThat stroller cracks me up but boy will that be useful! Wow!
I'm glad to see that everything is going well.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the beautiful belly...
((HUGS))
LOVE,LOVE,LOVE that belly shot.You look just wonderful.Can't wait to meet the boys!......prayers going up!
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