I've Got the OHSS Blues

GAWD! The Bloat has been sticking around and this morning I nearly passed out and was having lots of abdominal pain. I called my favorite MA ever and she said it was best to be seen. So I dragged (actually, my husband dragged) my bloated and cranky self to an abdominal and vaginal ultrasound (as an added bonus) as well as weight monitoring and "girth" measurement.

This Dr. T is not one I usually see, and she was very blunt. She said immediately, "You right ovary is hyper stimulated, no doubt, and your left one is normal." I did a little cheer for Lazy Lefty! Surprisingly, I actually had very little fluid on my abdomen, had lost weight since my retrieval and now they were going to check blood work for electrolyte levels, kidney and liver function and reassess tomorrow morning, 30 minutes before my transfer. I am on bed rest until then and ordered to drink a small amount and only to thirst. Are they trying to drive me insane until the last possible second this cycle? Perhaps.

In case you aren't familiar with OHSS, it is when fluid leaks from the empty follicles in the ovary after retrieval, and causes fluid build up in the abdomen. A severe case can cause it to build around the heart and lungs and requires hospitalization. Unfortunately, pregnancy (and the HCG it produces) exacerbates the condition and makes recovery of mild, moderate or severe OHSS take longer. That explains why they don't want to do transfer if the case is worse than mild or if the blood is unbalanced- the HCG from a developing embryo after implantation can make a person seriously ill.

That did not stop me from pressing for a statistic or chance that my transfer would be tomorrow. She said 80% that I will get my embabies to come home. If the fluid is worse, or the ovary is larger, they will cancel and we will be forced to freeze our beautiful blastocysts and wait until I am well. Which she said could be a couple weeks or a month.

(Child mentioned here)
I am feeling so incredibly guilty as a mother. My little A is having such a hard time watching me be sick and on strict bed rest. Her behavior is erratic and cranky, and I know she wants mommy to get up and play with her, take her to the park or work on an art project. This is where the voice kicks in, "If you were happy with one child, she wouldn't have to go through this and you would not be sick." I can't help but feel selfish for wanting to grow my family since it is taking a toll on us all.

I am NOT going to google "OHSS and cancellation rates" although I really want to and am trying so hard to be positive. I hope with every ounce of hope I have that our babies can come home to me... I have been waiting so long. This journey takes so much out of a girl.