Friday, March 6, 2009

Please Go to Your Zen Place

Tonight is the night that I have been waiting for since November. No, I am not talking about Prom; stimulation drugs begin! I am so happy to have finally passed the suppression check (E2 below 20 and no functional cysts) and be ready to go. They told me that it is "amazing" that my E2 went from 608-20 in a few short weeks. Hey, what can I say? I wish I could take credit, and assume that all the obscenities that I directed to the cyst helped, but really it was probably the birth control.

I am finding a few unexpected emotions today. I thought I'd be on top of the world, and I AM so happy to start, but I am also realizing that THIS IS IT. This is our cycle, one we hope is perfect and productive, and it starts TONIGHT. I am looking at my calendar of Wanda Visits (ultrasounds) and blood work, shot schedules, instructions and feeling a bit overwhelmed. Even though I understand it all, and could recite the "10 Step IVF Process" in my sleep, I have come to a decision. I am going to take this one day at a time. Do I sound Zen-ed out yet? I am trying to be mindful of today, focus on what is happening in my body now, and trust that tomorrow will take care of itself. OM... or something.

So today, I will start my stim drugs... I might have to watch the videos again to make sure I am mixing one up right, but I think the pen would be hard to screw up. Also, according to this fun little tool, I am 3 days pregnant. And that is enough for today.

How do you deal with the process? A day at a time, or are you a big picture gal?


  1. One day at a time, absolutely. I think that's the way to go. Big picture stuff gets too overwhelming for me.

    I SO hope this is the lucky cycle for you! I'm guessing I'm going to feel a whole mixed bag of emotions as well when we embark on IVF #2--not too far behind you, hopefully.

    Go stims, go!

    (Thanks, by the way, for your sweet comment on my blog. You're absolutely right, and I'm going to take your advice and tell a few friends how proud I am of them tonight.)

  2. Congrats on starting your stims! And that your E2 was so cooperative. I'm starting stims just a few days behind you - likely tomorrow.

  3. A friend close byMarch 6, 2009 at 7:24 PM

    What an exciting night! The beginning of a journey to life, short or long, an amazing gift for you to have the chance to have another child - and an equally amazing gift for a child to have a mother who will push any limit she meets to have the opportunity to love and hold him or her.

    In any challenge I think it is important to take steps as you can. At the same time, keeping the big picture in mind can be so motivating and inspiring. So look at the schedule and all once in a while and feel proud of what you are doing - how far you have come and keep your eye on what the ultimate outcome will be.

    It is such an honor to watch the process unfold...thank you for sharing.

  4. Such an exciting day! I can completely relate to the mixed emotions -- I've been so anxious to start, but am also suddenly nervous about what might go wrong, and what I might screw up.

    Sending you good vibes and lots of wishes for hope and strength!

  5. Yay for starting stims! I just read your last post. I can't believe your antral follicle cound was 30! Holy cow! You are going to stim like nobody's business. Mine was five. How do you women do it?

    One day at a time is best, but I do jump to big picture sometimes and then I get overwhelmed.

    I hope this is it for you.