Saturday, March 7, 2009
Show and Tell
This view is one of the reasons I love living in the Pacific Northwest. My husband and I hiked up the back of Tiger Mountain, in the Cascade Foothills last weekend. I was trying to get as much intensive exercise as I could before I started stimulation drugs last night and was told to take it easy. *As a side note, she told me it was possible that a fallopian tube could get twisted if I strained myself too much during stimulation. To this, I laughed hysterically and said, "Remember! No tubes in there- who knew that would be a good thing?" She found a reason to get off the phone quickly.*
Anyway, I was thinking, while hiking up this damned steep mountain, that it was just a little farther, around the next bend, behind the trees. It was making me crazy, not being able to see the point we we headed to, but just having to trust that it was there... and it was. It was breathtakingly beautiful- a cloudy, Seattle day that always feels like home to me. As we panted and caught our breath, looking out, I was struck that Infertility is a lot like hiking.
I promise not to get too cheesy here, and I know the whole thing can easily be compared to a race, but what struck me on this particular day, was that when you hike up a mountain you have no idea where you are going... you might have a map, but the trees and elevation make it so that your destination is hidden for most of the journey.
This is how I feel lately, on our seemingly never ending quest for another child. After the miscarriages, tubal surgery and multiple delays, I am finally starting off on the IVF adventure. I feel terrified to look ahead too far and lose my place, or worse, my nerve. The thoughts of getting canceled, this not working, miscarrying again are staggering and I am working very hard to remain positive. At this point, one foot in front of the other seems to be the way to go. While hiking Tiger, I kept asking DH, "How much further?" and he would tell me, "I don't know, but we're getting closer." That about sums up this journey to hold a baby again. I don't know how far away it is, but we are getting closer. And when we finally make it, the view will be worth the pain and effort a thousand times over.
Go see what everyone else at Stirrup Queen's Show and Tell is up to- and leave them a comment! :)