This view is one of the reasons I love living in the Pacific Northwest. My husband and I hiked up the back of Tiger Mountain, in the Cascade Foothills last weekend. I was trying to get as much intensive exercise as I could before I started stimulation drugs last night and was told to take it easy. *As a side note, she told me it was possible that a fallopian tube could get twisted if I strained myself too much during stimulation. To this, I laughed hysterically and said, "Remember! No tubes in there- who knew that would be a good thing?" She found a reason to get off the phone quickly.*
Anyway, I was thinking, while hiking up this damned steep mountain, that it was just a little farther, around the next bend, behind the trees. It was making me crazy, not being able to see the point we we headed to, but just having to trust that it was there... and it was. It was breathtakingly beautiful- a cloudy, Seattle day that always feels like home to me. As we panted and caught our breath, looking out, I was struck that Infertility is a lot like hiking.
I promise not to get too cheesy here, and I know the whole thing can easily be compared to a race, but what struck me on this particular day, was that when you hike up a mountain you have no idea where you are going... you might have a map, but the trees and elevation make it so that your destination is hidden for most of the journey.
This is how I feel lately, on our seemingly never ending quest for another child. After the miscarriages, tubal surgery and multiple delays, I am finally starting off on the IVF adventure. I feel terrified to look ahead too far and lose my place, or worse, my nerve. The thoughts of getting canceled, this not working, miscarrying again are staggering and I am working very hard to remain positive. At this point, one foot in front of the other seems to be the way to go. While hiking Tiger, I kept asking DH, "How much further?" and he would tell me, "I don't know, but we're getting closer." That about sums up this journey to hold a baby again. I don't know how far away it is, but we are getting closer. And when we finally make it, the view will be worth the pain and effort a thousand times over.
Go see what everyone else at Stirrup Queen's Show and Tell is up to- and leave them a comment! :)
LOL about being free from ovarian torsion thanks to not having tubes.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with the IVF cycle!
Good luck to you as you take this next step.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful picture.
ReplyDeleteI love the analogy you made about secondary IF and hiking, very true.
Suffering from secondary IF here, stop on by, we've got a lot in common. http://notthepathichose.blogspot.com
Good luck with this cycle.
I'm in Vancouver BC, so I totally get what you mean about the scenery. Such an amazing corner of the world (not that I've been a tonne of other places, just that I'm biased). I too laughed at the nurses comment. Good luck on this next cycle!
ReplyDeleteBeing from Seattle, and having hiked up Tiger Mountain several times, this was so nice to see! I haven't been there in a while...Best of luck as you set off on this cycle. I'll do my best to send good vibes your way!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful view you have there, I have one similar up at Mt Buller in Victoria. It's truly peaceful and a bloody long way up. Here's hoping we get to the top of our mountains.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I score high on your DSM-IV criteria of crazy infertile behaviours. Loved the list!
Wonderful of you to have shared this...a hint of life, a hint of humour, a hint of insight....How many parallels do we have to live with?
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post and view! You absolutely ARE one step closer to your baby with each day that passes...now the hard part is waiting to see what trail gets you there. One step at a time, or even one breath at a time seems like a good approach!
ReplyDeleteEve
Beautiful view. It's been many years since I lived in Seattle and I don't remember Tiger mountain but it looks like fun.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog! That is a beautiful view...Good luck on your IVF journey. Just remember to breathe :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful view! The Northwest is definitely a beautiful place. Good luck with your IVF. I'm sending you lots of positive vibes. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous! I'd love to visit Seattle. Makes me miss Colorado--oh, for the days when we could walk out our back door and head up Pike's Peak. I love your analogy re: climbing the mountain and IVF. One step at a time. I so hope the view is this beautiful in the end!
ReplyDeleteThe analogy is wonderful and oh so accurate! I hope your beautiful ending comes soon.
ReplyDeleteWishing you all the luck in the world for your IVF. I'm a tubeless gal as well.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you about the journey. . .I'm about 8 steps behind you, and starting Clo.mid this month, but I'm feeling the same way you are. Really hoping it's going to work, not knowing where we are headed, hoping I don't lose my nerve. . .it's all such a challenge, this process. Good luck to you as you begin this cycle.
ReplyDeleteLoved your analogy. It is very much like that.
ReplyDeleteI love hiking...haven't done much in the past few years, want to do more of it.
Thanks for sharing!
What a great view, amazing! Good luck with your IVf cycle. There are alot of us here who have been there so just let us know if you need anything. Best wishes to you.
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