Sunday, March 22, 2009

Meet my Alters



Does anyone watch "United States of Tara" on Showtime?* It is a fictional show about a woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder (or DID). It is funny and heart-wrenching all at once. She is a middle-aged mom played by Toni Collette, who just happens to have other "Alters" or personalities that help her cope with an unknown past trauma. They range from Alice, the perfect 50's housewife, to Buck, the Vietnam vet with a drinking problem. Her alters are all different sides of her, and come out without her control or knowledge.

Here's the scoop: infertility is making me get Alters.** I am firmly in my two week wait, two days after the five day transfer of two blastocysts. Or, for you crazy Infertiles: in the 2WW, 2dp5dt. Wow, that is a mouthful. Anyway, the whole process is really getting to me. I can't go out for a run, have a glass of wine, even take my daughter to the park to distract myself and reconnect with the rest of the world. I am finding myself feeling a bit off, maybe a bit crazy.

Allow me to introduce my Alters:

1. OHSS Alter: She is bloated, sore and nauseous. She is hoping the symptoms go away, but also hoping they don't because that could be a good sign of pregnancy! She likes to wear loose shirts to hide her massive girth and has no appetite.

2. Wemberly (The worrying fictional mouse)***: Brief glimpse into Wemberly's head, "Are the embryos okay? Should we have just transferred one? What if I don't get pregnant? Why do I have cramps? What if they are twins and they are premature? Or get HELLP? What if I have an incompetent cervix and we don't know it yet?"

3. Suzy Sunshine: She is nothing but smiles, and is sure she'll get pregnant. With those embryos, and all the confidence of the doctors, embryologist that we'll get a BFP, why wouldn't we?

Okay, so there you go. You've met my Alters. I tend to spend about 85% of the day as Wemberly, truth be told. I know it is neurotic, but now I am worried about unhealthy twin pregnancy at the same time as not getting pregnant! Someone, please knock me out until Beta on March 28th. For everyone's sake.

*I have nothing to do but read blogs and watch TV while on bed rest.
**No, not really. I am kidding... and not insensitive to mental health.
***Major credit to this post at Just Another Infertile which opened my eyes to my Wemberly-ness.

13 comments:

  1. I totally know how you feel. I don't know how I'm going to survive if my RE keeps me on bed rest until my beta. I hope the OHSS is easing up for you!

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  2. I am a twin mum from 2 x 6 day blastocysts (born 1/7/06 ..2 yr olds are so much fun I see you have a daugher born 7/7/06)(Our clinic didn't open Sunday hence 6 days not 5) transfer and I pray for your pregnancy ;)

    I can so totally relate to your alters. I love Toni Collete (another Aussie chick)

    I am so sorry to read of your pregnancy losses.

    Here from ICLW...No. 103
    My Little Drummer Boys

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  3. Too funny -- at least your Alters seem like nice people. I feel like I am spending about 75% of my time as my "raging bitch" alter. :)

    Hope you're hanging in there!

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  4. Bed rest=no fun. Hang in there! Praying for you!

    ICLW

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  5. Too funny. The Alters sound pretty normal if you ask me. I think I have my own version, too. They're similar to yours, except I also have the banker (Mr. Money), who constantly worries about how I'll pay for everything! And then there is the one like Barefoot's Alter...

    Hang in there.

    ICLW

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  6. Thats a very good analogy!
    Having multiple personalities..
    I've never thought of it like that.
    Hang in there Wemberly!

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  7. Here from ICLW ...

    LOVE the alters analogies! I freaking love that show and you are so right about having alters during ttc and if. I totally had many of the same alters.

    Good luck on your IVF cycle!

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  8. Here from ICLW

    First, I will be keeping my fingers crossed seriously for you that you get a BFP this month! Suzy Sunshine should definitely be right!

    Second, I hope that OHSS stops kicking your butt soon.

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  9. I love your analogy. Good luck - I hope your beta brings good news!

    ICLW

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  10. Great post! Congrats on the blast transfer! Hope you are feeling better soon. Love Wemberly:)

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  11. good luck during your wait! i hope you get a BFP!!

    ICLW

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  12. Good luck in your 2ww! I'll be checking back to see those betas :) I love your Wemberly... sounds a bit like me!

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  13. I LOVE YOUR ALTERS!!! I am almost exactly like that;)

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